This Isnt What It Looks Like
by feathered moon wings
Summary: Lucifer is tempted to use the wings, even if in doing so he'd fail at spiting his father. Chole sees none of this, because the only thing she can see is her best friend, standing at the edge of his terrace, about to jump off and take his life. "This isn't what it looks like." Swears Lucifer. Yeah, right.


He didn't want to... but he did.

The thought of using the wretched appendages on his back made him snarl with disgust.

Temptation though…

Hadn't that always been his greatest weakness? Not that he really considered it one, but right now? Right now it most certainly was. It was a weakness that made him grimace at himself, but he couldn't help it.

He _really_ wanted to use them.

He missed the pull of his muscles as he stretched his wings, the movement of each and every feather as he maneuvered them. He missed the altitude and the grandeur of outer space, the feeling of being one with the stars and the universe.

Just the clouds on Earth would suffice, really.

Long before cutting his wings off, hell had not been kind to them. He was a creature of light, the darkness of a place as terrible as Hell did no favors to his being. The more he had them out, the more the darkness scratched and scraped at his wings. It was painful, just _existing_ there. So he kept them close and hidden, rarely spreading them to take flight. He'd rather have them out of sight than at the easy reach of blackened claws of the _Demonic creatures_ of below.

But now he was topside and the wings were just _there-_ no one to harm them and eagerly waiting to be used. The anticipation might just kill him.

He sighed contently. He'd been working an amazing buzz for two days now- getting drunk required work after all _-_ but he'd gotten there and it felt _amazing_. As the humans liked to say, it gave him courage.

There wasn't much he wouldn't do on a normal day, but _this_? This might require a push from an outside source.

He stood just outside the crystal railing of his balcony, looking down towards the street and the moving lights below. The edge was thin, only leaving enough space for the heels of his shoes, with his back against the glass and his arms stretched back to hold the metal rail. In his right hand a glass of hellish brewed mead was expertly held between his fingers.

The height was nothing to him- not compared to heaven or outer space -but it would've been a frightening place to be for humans. Perhaps they were rubbing off on him, because there was an anxious giddiness in his belly at the thought of jumping.

Liquid bravery was on point _,_ he hadn't stretched his wings in years and his muscles were probably atrophied. The possibility of jumping and managing to fly was 50/50 against becoming a pancake of meat and bone 50 floors below.

He still grinned dangerously as he looked down. This was going to be _fun_!

He wanted to let go of the railing and fall, letting the exhilaration take over before catching the wind on his wings at the last second. There was a small part of him whispering that this was a stupid idea, that he should check if he could still fly before flinging himself off a balcony, but the sound was drowned out by the overwhelming anticipation in his body.

He gulped half of his glass down as if it were water and swayed in his place with the wind.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

She waited for the elevator to reach Lucifer's penthouse, leaning back on the half mirror walls as it climbed upwards.

It'd been a while since she'd last interacted with him outside of work, never having time for just a quiet moment. The department had been chaotic and Lucifer had been even odder than usual. She worried for him- as always. Lately there had been something on his mind and she wanted to help. He'd never let her, of course, but she wanted him to know she was there for him even if he wouldn't tell her what was wrong. They were still friends.

The elevator stopped with a gentle bounce, and the door pinged a note of arrival.

"Lucifer?" She called, stepping into her partner's stylish flat and looking around for him. It took a minute for her mind to catch up when she saw him.

"Lucifer." Her voice wavered at the sight and she had the sudden urge to cry with a burn in her eyes. She willed herself to calm down, though. Crying was the last thing she needed right now.

He was standing on the balcony, hanging of the railing by only the tips of his fingers, swaying gently in the wind. Her breath hitched as she realized he wasn't even holding on tightly, there was a tumbler of something in one of his hands; a few fingers for the glass, the rest for the rail.

 _Oh god, he want's to kill himself._

Her mind was running wild as she crept towards him quietly.

Lucifer turned to look at her and her heart skipped a beat at the disregard he was showing towards holding himself in place.

"Detective!" He smiled happily at her. She didn't think she had ever seen him this hammered.

"So lovely of you to visit Old Scratch." He continued pleasantly as he raised the tumbler to his lips and gave it a sip.

She couldn't breath; her heart was in her throat and beating inside her ears like a drum. She needed to concentrate, but she _couldn't._ Her best friend was a half step away from killing himself and she felt miles away from him.

"What are you doing Lucifer?" She tried to sound as steady and in control as possible, but her eyes slipped from his face to his feet and, _oh God_ , his heels were literally on the very edge.

"Well I'm-" He stopped and seemed to finally look at her, taking in her scared face and trembling hands rising just in front of her in a pacifying gesture.

"Are you quite alright?" Lucifer asked, with a confused look on his face and a wrinkle between his brows.

She breathed out a strangled laugh. _How was this man even real?_

"I don't think you should be the one asking me that," she said quietly.

It took Lucifer a moment to look down at himself and then at her. She could almost see the light bulb springing over his tousled hair as realization dawned on him.

"Oh!" His eyes widened slightly in surprise.

"Oh, this isn't what it looks like, dearest Detective." Lucifer shook his head with gentle amusement.

If they weren't in this situation she'd want to punch him in his pretty face for pulling stuff like that but her mind was paralyzed by fear- the overwhelming fear that her _best friend_ was about to jump from his penthouse into the busy streets.

 _Oh God!_

"Then what is this, Lucifer? What are you doing?" She asked to stall for time.

She'd been slowly inching forward since the conversation started; she was so close now, only a few feet away from him.

"Well, you see..." He wobbled in his place and it made her stumble in her steps.

"Oh God," she whispered.

Her eyes were burning again and she had to rub them hard as her sight was turning blurry.

"I want to fly and this is a good height, you know?" he said conversationally.

It sounded like suicide to her, no matter what words he was trying to use.

"You can't fly Lucifer," she told him softly.

"I can now!" he replied happily. "I got my wings back- haven't I told you?"

There had been an odd comment at the precinct, she remembered, but she hadn't understood as per usual and shrugged it off as another _Lucifer_ thing.

She wished she had talked to him more thoroughly when his _last_ spout of suicidal tendencies happened. He had stood in front of a sniper and practically begged to be shot at, for heavens sake, and what had she done? She'd told him to talk to his _therapist_ and figure himself out- she'd told him to _go_. Could she have possibly done any worse?

"I didn't want to use them, to spite dad, you know? But the temptation is just too great."

He looked down again, his arms spread behind him like the wings he seemingly thought he had. "Resisting temptation has never been my strongest suit," he chuckled.

She took her chance then- it was now or never.

She sprinted forward and wrapped her arms around his waist with force, burying her face in the small of his back. She tried to even out her ragged breaths, but it seemed like an impossible feat given the circumstances.

"Please Lucifer, don't do it." She begged, knowing if push came to shove and he decided to jump she wouldn't be able to stop him or hold on. He was heavier and stronger than her.

She only had words and the kind of physical contact that he abhorred.

"Detective?" he sounded confused and she held him tighter.

 _She didn't want him to jump._

"Please Lucifer, whatever it is, whatever happened, I'm here. I can listen, or not, you don't have to say anything." A sob almost escaped her but she _needed_ her words, they were her only advantage here. "You don't have to explain anything to me if you don't want to. But I'm here, I'm always here."

He sighed a long breath, the tension in his shoulders from the hug starting to loosen and he just stood in place, letting himself be pressed back against the glass.

"I know." Lucifer said and while she couldn't see his face, she heard his smile perfectly

"All right, all right. If it pleases you that much I'll get off," he said offhandedly, the slur of his words light but present.

With clumsy, yet still somehow graceful moves, he turned his body around.

"Careful, careful!" Her heart rattled madly in her chest at the blatant 'I-don't-care' attitude he had for the situation. After all this was over she was going to shoot him, but first she was going to cuddle his problems away.

"Fear not Detective, I'm in perfect control of my body." Lucifer grinned down at her, charming as always, and she couldn't help the shaky smile that grew on her lips.

"Be a dear now, would you hold my glass?" He didn't wait for an answer as he pushed the empty thing to her chest and made her let go of one hand to catch it by reaction.

By the time she realized what he intended he was draped over the railing, trying to cross over with pants that were not meant for that kind of stretching. She felt her heart at the base of her throat and was sure she would vomit it up any moment now.

Looking at his other foot hanging by just the tip at the edge of the other side, she sprung into action, leaving the glass on the floor and wrapping her arms back around Lucifer to help pull him over.

The second both his feet were firmly planted on her side, she yanked him far, far away from the railing and hugged him fiercely.

"Don't you _ever_ do something like that again, Lucifer!" A ragged breath escaped her lips and she stepped back, keeping her hands on his arms as she looked at his face.

Lucifer looked at her as if she were heaven sent, his eyes soft and caring, though still drunk.

"If you ever need anything you have to know this doesn't have to be your last resort, _I'm_ _here,_ " she said desperately. "Promise me you wont do something like this again, Lucifer, promise me!"

She took in a deep shaking breath, willing her body and mind to calm down, if just a bit.

"A promise like that would be a lie. You know how I feel about such things." He told her, a sad note in his voice as her face crumbled. "But if it would make you feel better, I swear I wasn't going to kill my self. Cross my heart." He said with a charming smile that flatters slightly.

Her grip on his arms tightened as a tear fell from her eye.

"At least promise me you'll come to me if you ever… if you ever feel like it's too much, okay? Please. I can't- if you ju-" She closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath in, centering herself. "You're my best friend Lucifer."

"I promise, Detective… Chloe." He said it so earnestly and she believed him.

She exhaled heavily, the tension leaving her body almost immediately.

"Good," she smiled tentatively. "That's good."

They stood there in silence, the sounds of traffic far away as they calmed down.

"Don't worry for me, Detective. I'm all right." Lucifer said with a sad smile.

She rested her for head on his chest and sighed out. This man was going to be the death of her.

* * *

 **Abril: SO my first (of many, I hope) addition to the Lucifer fandom, I hope I did all right hehe.**

 **Many thanks to** _ **a-bit-of-madness**_ **that helped me with the beta work, I appreciate it a ton.**

 **And well, what can I say, I ADORE the all the suicidal things and self-worth issues that surround Lucifer, but god are they pushed aside the next scene as if they were the plague.**


End file.
